


dancing with your ghost

by levithephoenix



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Pain, Post-Break Up, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:13:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23295322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/levithephoenix/pseuds/levithephoenix
Summary: Every night, Dan plays the same record. The pain is still there and he doesn't know how to deal with it. It's still bad. Really bad. But he knows it will eventually get easier, even if his life will never be the same. Because his literal other half is missing.-inspired by the song 'dancing with your ghost' by sasha sloan
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Kudos: 8





	dancing with your ghost

**Author's Note:**

> hi this is my first official upload to ao3 so i probably got all the tags wrong. it's just a short little concept thing. i don't know why it's so sad - it just kind of happened. i apologise in advance for language and grammar mistakes, english isn't my first language.  
> i'll probably delete this at some point but enjoy

  
"I stay up all night  
Tell myself I'm alright  
Baby, you're just harder to see than most  
I put the record on  
Wait 'til I hear our song  
Every night I'm dancing with your ghost"  


And there he was again. 

At 3 A.M., putting on this damn record, for the fifth night in a row because he couldn't deal with it. 

Because he couldn't sleep, couldn't breathe, couldn't think. 

Dan had managed to take care of himself a little today, ate something and drank water.

But it had tasted like cardboard, plain, flavourless, meaningless. 

He wasn't able to see colours anymore. Everything was grey and dark, cloudy, like the fog on a lonely field in the early morning. Cold, bitter, and he felt so fucking alone.

Dan could hardly feel anything else but the pain consuming him from the inside, like claws tightening around his throat and heart but he couldn't cry. 

This song didn't make it feel better. It made it worse, but at least it made the feeling change so that Dan knew he was still alive. 

But he was alright. He was able to manage it. He knew that eventually the pain wouldn't be so consuming and it would fade a little. 

But the empty space in his heart would never be filled again. Because nobody could fill it. Nobody else. 

Phil took this part with him. 

And Dan could not bring himself to be angry at Phil because he blamed himself entirely. He didn't even have the chance to properly say goodbye. 

He swayed a little to the soft music coming out of the speakers and the pictures of him slowly dancing with Phil flooded his mind.

Fuck.

This was never supposed to happen.


End file.
